A Tale of Accomplishments!

Is this all going to be about that Viking stuff you’ve written about over, and over, and over?


Remember that list I put up a few lists back about stuff I can’t do but want to be able to do?

If you’re not sure, it’s this one:

  1. Do a pull-up
  2. Do a cartwheel
  3. Do a handstand
  4. Do ten push-ups
  5. Do five sit-ups
  6. Swim more than one lap at a time
  7. Climb a rope

Well, I published that post on July 21st, and now, just a few weeks later, I can do TWO pull ups, fifteen push-ups, ten sit-ups, and kinda climb a rope…in a way…as long as I’m harnessed in. THIS IS HUGE FOR ME. Seriously. And not just because I can do these things now, but because I’m motivated to do them. On top of that, I’ve lost six pounds and I can feel muscles poking out from their decades-long hibernation. I’m feeling strong! And all this time, it’s been an easy fix that’s been right in front of me! Want to know the secret to my success?

Diet and exercise.

Yeah, I went there.

I went there because it’s what we all know works, but what works is different for everyone. I’ve found something that works for me, and that’s cool. If you really were hoping for an answer or some sort of secret to how things are going so well for me, then I’m seriously going to keep telling you it’s the fact that I’ve convinced myself that I’m a Viking. I look at my fuzzy and round self, and I know what’s inside. I know that I am a goddamned nordic warrior god already, so there’s no stopping me. There’s also no due date. Things might happen to stop my rapid progress, and that’s okay, because I’ve already decided that I’m a Viking. That will not go away, whether this roll continues to roll on until the day I die or if something happens to hinder my progress for months or years. The main and most important thing has already changed: fat or not, I am a Viking warrior. I already am what I want to be, and realizing that has changed my behavior.

I have no other secret to tell you.

It’s motivating to accept me for me. To realize a part of me has always been there, waiting to come out. It’s freeing. And perhaps this is what has really brought me down all of these years. It’s not been the fact that I’m overweight that has made me feel bad about myself, it’s the fact that I’ve felt bad about myself that has made me overweight. Now, I’m a Viking. I fucking rule. Try to tell me otherwise, and that’s fine. Just don’t be surprised when I don’t give a shit.

So yes, this is another entry about being a Viking, because that’s what is important to me right now.


I’ve done a lot to try and get myself motivated, and most of it has been outside of my comfort zone. Part of this is a broad search for things I forgot I really can’t do, but want to be able to do.

For example, I took a class at the local gym for high intensity interval training. Basically, this just means that there are several stations of stuff you do as fast as you can and feel like you should call your family and friends before the end, because you think you are going to die. One of the stations was jump rope. I thought to myself as I grabbed the jump rope with it nearly slipping out of my sweaty hands: Have I done this before? I don’t know. If I have, I was probably eight years old. Have I…

And then it was time to get going.

During each interval, the instructor walks around and comments on everyone’s work, trying to correct. He made his rounds, complimenting one woman on her form, complimenting another woman on how hard she’s working, and throwing out compliments all over the place (all to women, because I was the only guy in the class…such is the life I’ve chosen).

Then he got to me.

“AAAAAND Mike’s never jumped rope in his life! (laughing) Mike, drop the jump rope and pretend, alright?”

There was my answer. And he was right. I don’t think I had ever jumped rope in my life. And thank God he told me to stop. I was pretty sure I was going to fall.

But these are the kinds of things I’m happy to be finding out. I’m trying, and that’s the main difference. Trust me, I’m failing all over the place. I’m failing left, right, forward, backward, everywhere…but amidst all of those failures, I’m succeeding in ways I never thought I could. Not before I decided I was a Viking.

Now, I’m a monkey in the trees. I can do push-ups, pull-ups, and sit-ups.

But I can’t jump rope. Yet. Let’s add it to the list, shall we?

  1. Do a pull-up
  2. Do a cartwheel
  3. Do a handstand
  4. Do ten push-ups
  5. Do five sit-ups
  6. Swim more than one lap at a time
  7. Climb a rope

Hey! I have a three-year-old daughter! I think it’s time we got a jump rope!


Perhaps a jump rope video will be coming soon to match my monkey bars attempt. Or, if you want to watch more video of me singing and playing guitar, don’t be afraid to put in a request in the comments.

Thanks for reading, everyone.

Now go do something challenging. You won’t regret it.


You can follow Tall Tales Told on Facebook and Twitter for bonus content and stuff that just makes me laugh.


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